There are a few occations on here where I said that I would “work for free”. No one has paid me anything if I’m supposed to have money. I’ve also said that I would eventually like to get paid…..I said, “for now..” :)
I’ve said that I’m using chance and opportunity to reach higher goals….but that I’d still like to get paid, because hey, we all gotta eat. I’m tired of seeing my stuff other places. It’s getting pretty annoying. I haven’t put anything else up here because I’m guessing I need to copywrite/trademark a logo, however, “Perfectly Imperfect” was on a t shirt idea that I had and I also had it in writings. Please do not take anymore of my ideas.
Using chance and opportunity, I still say I’m ready for regular scheduled programming.
If I can get that, then I can use it to follow future ventures….and I have a whole lot of future ahead of me. I have so far come up with about 40 different T shirt designs, I have web site/blog site ideas as well that could feature small businesses up and coming artists and hold a forum for others to connect and communicate and find comfort in whereever their lives are at.
That being said, I would love the availablilty to sing.
If I can get this scheduled programming, then it could follow me down the path of creating the “American Dream”, along with family and slight disfunction.
I would at some point like to gather all of my blogs, which are a lot, and compile them into a book because I have documented every single part of this journey.
I would like to trademark or copywrite them first.
If I can find my way to a show, I can find my way to singing/buisness start up. If I can find my way to singing, I can find my way to t shirts; and if I can find success in those ventures I can have enough momemtum to have people find interest in the book, and by then I can have earned my degree and will be able to find my way into doing more humanitarian type efforts and speaking engagements.
As of this moment I have prepared ideas for shirts/hats that with proper start up can be made and resold fairly inexpensively. I continue to sing and hope for the chance to be able to do that as a future. I have organzied and put together 2 binders worth of blogs/writings and I have kept pictures that can coinside with everything; the shirts that I have designed and continue to come up with have meaning towards where I have been during this journey, and futhermore, I continue to find inspiration and ways to inspire and unite others.
I’m not going anywhere, just been preparing, it’s gotta be coming. XoXo
"This is your sometimes…" Honestly, pretty freaking great.
Every so often logic comes around and fights a serious battle with my heart. I either think too much or not enough.
E Card: “For me, it’s easier to be tough then it is to be vulnerable. You can’t hurt tough. You can tear apart vulnerable.”
Vulnerable sucks. It says hey, here I am, open raw wounds exposed and now I trust you to not fuck that up….and truth of the matter is, everyone, no matter how good they are is going to eff up because we are all flawed in some way or another…we all have our issues….but that’s why real love, is unconditional. It’s having to be okay with knowing that you should never expect perfection. It’s seeing the greatness inside someone and its never closing the door on them.
That is what really scares me about love, no one has ever shown me, “I’ll never leave you..” love…
What gets me beyond the fear is that while there is a certain “hot” I’d like to look, I know that there is someone out there who finds me beautiful. That when I go and go and go without eating, he will say, freaking eat something. When I burn dinner he will laugh at me and say, here, let me help you. When I get sad he will hug me and let me wipe snot his shoulder and he will still love me. When I eat a cookie he won’t judge me. When I want to run, I still hate to run, it will be able to be into his arms. When I am able to live a dream, he will be proud of me. If we get married he won’t want to be anywhere else. If we have babies he will want them. When my past tries to haunt me he will fight away those aches because he wants to see me happy; and he will know that I will do all this for him as well. I want real. I’ve handwritten that over and over as well.
I’ll always be a weird little alien but I’m understanding that different doesn’t mean I’m untouchable. I”ve always tried to be untouchable…nothing can hurt me. This person got me to understand that there is nothing wrong with me. I miss the long phone covos, like I said, I don’t lie.
Instinct, really is all I have to go by with all of this, instinct says that went somewhere as well….
You guys, the only game I know, is called life.
I want to sing, for 100 percent real love would I give that up? For now, yes. I would. Stills on here hate me but I want to sing; going to put up a video….to be honest with you, there’s this feeling I have because of something someone said; “….blah blah blah and I have to knock her up right away…” vs, “I’m not taking care of you,” that someone thinks I wouldn’t be able to sing and continue with my family life. I’d say that person doesn’t know a damn thing about me, and I can have it all, I can handle pretty much anything and if anyone has used my voice for a record, I’d sure like to hear it. I still want to have my own business; I still want to write, and I’d still take a show to make it all happen because why not and being on food stamps sucks. Ya, I said I wouldn’t do it, but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes….please oh please I’ve gotta turn out fine dammit. Someone has to say something eventually…something has to happen.
I’ve lived too much in fear to allow it to run my life.
Fear is strong, but love, real love, is stronger and I know that its out there for me. I know that there is someone who wants everything with me and who loves me for everything I am.
Perfectly imperfect. I wrote that before too, later saw it on a t shirt…..I hashtagged awesomesauce back when I had my old punkrockkenzie IG….saw it on a commerical or two….huh. That’s one reason I’ve been pretty quiet…but mark my words, you will hear me roar….with words, with music, with t shirts and hats….with come on regularly scheduled programing.
949 332 0144.
Love, real love, family, road trips, bon fires, travel, my own business…….I will make a great life for myself, for my kids. I have no choice but to be successful, and wanting that doesn’t take away from me being just a person who is deserving of a good man to take life’s journey with me.
Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. I’m not going anywhere, promise. Xo Muah.
I heart this.